Empty Eyes and Broken Mirrors
by MisdemeanorMelodies
Summary: Yes, this is a story with two male protagonists. Yes, there are a few scenes with adult content... Most important of all, this is a story of love. It was written to show that sometimes, things change. people change.. and that's not always a bad thing. Sometimes, even though it's something that nobody could have predicted, and nobody things it would last.. it's just what was needed.
1. Chapter 1: Gaara

Hey, i'm Gaara. I'm not too good at these sort of things, so i'll just get right into the story.

I've always known Shikamaru... He used to be really close to my sister. I never really knew him personally, or thought about him too much until that night at Sakura's party...

When I got there, Sakura was already drinking with Sasuke and his older brother, Itachi. Hinata and Choji were in the kitchen cooking, and there were tons of other people milling about, Dancing and singing kareokee, mixing drinks, taking shots, and huddling up close to each-other in corners, making out or... worse. I stood hesitating in the doorway to Sakura's mostly-unfurnished flat awkwardly, trying to remember why I had let my sister convince me to come when I heard someone call my name over the din.

"Gaara! hey, Gaara, c'mere for a sec, will ya? Your sister won't leave me be, tell her I don't drink!" Someone shouted at me from across the room. I turned and made my way there to see Shikamaru, trying to pry Temari's arms from around his neck. I chuckled under my breath, almost tripping over a couple that was laid out on the carpet.

"Oh, thank God you're here, Gaara, Please get her off me..." he muttered to me when I game within arms reach, panic in his eyes.

_Oh dear... She never seems to know when to quit, does she?_ I thought with a wry half-smile (or as close to that as i could muster, anyway) as I pulled her over to sit down on a small brown leather couch in the back corner.

"lil bruver! Drink wiv me, Gaara! ole wet blanket Shikamaru won't even have one tiny shot!" She was giggling loudly. Someone must have heard her, because Next thing I remember, Someone was pouring a bottle of vodka down my throat. I swallowed two, perhaps three mouthfuls before Shikamaru pushed them off, leaving me coughing and sputtering to clear out my airway.

The next bit is just a blur; [sakura's parties are like that, you know? If you drink anything, you start loosing time...] Anyways, as I was saying...

The music was loud, buzzing deep in my chest and ringing in my ears. I sat on the brown couch between Shikamaru and Temari, taking shots as she handed them to me.

"Try this one, lil bruver, it's so sweet!" she shoved it in my hands and I gulped it down, immediately regretting it. It was sweet bean paste... I threw up then, getting sick all over myself and Shikamaru. He lept up, making a hoarse noise in the back of his throat. I groaned, clutching my stomach. oh I feel awful...

"C'mon, let's go get cleaned up before she tries to give you another one..." Shikamaru said in my ear, barely audible over the loud bass; he grabbed my hand, leading me to the back where the bathroom was.

"take off your shirt... you got sick all over yourself, man. I'll find you something to wear. Sakura always leaves Extra clothes here from her...ahem... Gentleman callers." He murmured as I was fumbling with the buttons on my shirt. _why do they keep moving...stupid buttons.._ I thought to myself. Sighing resignedly, I looked up to ask him for help just as he pulled off his shirt.

"oh my..." I said quietly, staring at the finely muscled back that was in front of me.

**[now I know I was pretty drunk, and I've seen some attractive guys in my time, but that Shikamaru... It's just not fair to look that good in the presence of someone under the influence.] **

He turned around, giving me a picture-perfect view that almost literally took my breath away. All I could do was just stared at him, mouth open and eyes wide, until I realized myself. I cleared my throat and Coughed awkwardly, trying my best to remember what I'd been about to say.

"Did you need something?" he said, obviously amused. I coughed again and looked at the ceiling, finding it very difficult not to stare at him. This was absolutely not the time to be getting awkward.

"M-my buttons... I c-cant..." I trailed off.

"Oh, here let me get that for you." he said, still smiling. Diligently, I kept my eyes on his face. I studied him carefully past the vague haze of alcohol. Suddenly I was struck by an idea, and on a whim I reached up and pulled out his hair tie. His hair fell down around his face, framing it beautifully.

"You look better with your hair down, you know..." I said distantly, running my fingers through his soft, thick hair. He stared at me for a second before saying anything.

"You know, Gaara... you're not at all like people say you are," He said softly.

"Is that... a good thing?" I said breathlessly, suddenly feeling every inch of empty space between us. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I clenched my hand closed around a handful of his black locks.

"oh, i'd say so... Different is interesting," he said quietly. I could feel his breath on my face; his close proximity made my heart pound in my chest, and I felt a heat and tightness in my throat i'd never experienced before. I didn't realize i'd been leaning forward until he spoke.

"You're drunk, Gaara..." He whispered, sounding disappointed. Then he pulled away from me and pulled on a skin-tight white T-shirt, smiling at me distantly over his shoulder.

"So I didn't know you were Gay," Shikamaru said quietly, running a rag under the faucet and handing it to me so I could clean the residue that the sick had left across my front.

"I'm not... not exactly, anyway..." I heard myself say. He raised his eyebrows at me. "I'm actually bi...Not that i've told many people. Nobody seems interested, really..." I explained quietly. He frowned thoughtfully, and nodded slowly.

"Well, I certainly think it's interesting..." He said quietly, and then set a light tan shirt on the counter next to me. "Get yourself cleaned up, okay? I'll be right outside if you need me..." he said, and paused with a hand on the doorknob, "But… don't take too long, huh?" He added with a smile, and winked at Me. I nodded, not sure if the twinkle in his eyes was in my imagination or not, and the door closed behind him with a soft click.


	2. Chapter 2: Shikamaru

Shikamaru

Yeah, yeah, my names Shikamaru… So you want the story, huh? Well, I guess Ill just get it over with.

I didn't ever really believe all that "evil emo kid" stuff people said about Gaara. Of course I didn't know him very well, or ever even had a decent conversation with the guy until that day at Sakura's party.

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0

I was rummaging through the boxes in the corner of the bathroom to find a new shirt for Gaara and myself when I heard him say it.

"Oh my..." He whispered softly, just as I pulled off my shirt. I glanced at him over my shoulder at him, and was surprised to find him gawking at me. I turned around and a heavy blush crept over his face. He stared at me for a second before realizing that he was indeed staring.

"Did you need something?" I asked, trying not to laugh at his embarrassment. _Interesting development... _I mussed thoughtfully to myself.

"M-my buttons…" he choked, "I c-cant…" he trailed off, looking at everything but me.

"Oh, let me get that for you…" I said, stepping closer to him. I was close enough to smell him… even under the liquor and sick smell, it was strangely intoxicating. I found myself smiling a little as I unbuttoned his shirt slowly, staring at his eyes unblinking. I had never noticed the color of his eyes before… /what a strange blue…/ I thought, vaguely trying to find a name for the color just as he reached up and pulled my hair tie out.

"You look better with your hair down, you know…" he said distantly, running his fingers through my hair. I frowned, thrown off by his child-like honesty. I let him play with my hair without complaint, ignoring the tiny thought that said I only did because I liked the sensation, not because he was clearly enjoying himself.

"You know, Gaara, you're not at all like people say you are…" I said softly, looking deep into his strange blue eyes. There was a strange buzzing feeling that grew in my chest. I felt my face grow warmer, and his hand tightened into a fist in my hair.

"Is that… a good thing?" he murmured, leaning closer towards me. I could feel his hot breath across my face and neck. He pulled my hair softly, sending a shiver down my spine. My skin began to tingle where my hands still rested on the bare skin of his arms.

"Oh, I'd say so… different is interesting…" I whispered hoarsely, leaning closer and closer, itching to taste his lips. Then I smelled the liquor again, and my heart sank as I swallowed past the lump that grew in my throat.

"You're drunk, Gaara…" I whispered, not bothering to keep the disappointment from my voice. /remember what happened last time you kissed someone with alcohol involved../ I reminded myself and set my jaw, determined not to let impulse get the better of me. I pulled away from him, and turned my attention again on the boxes in the corner. I pulled on the skin tight white t-shirt i'd found and ran over the events of the past few minutes again in my head one more time before speaking, to make sure i'd come to the right conclusion. I smiled at him distantly over my shoulder.

"So I didn't know you were Gay..." I said quietly, running a clean rag under the faucet and handing it to him. He frowned and shrugged.

"I'm not...not exactly, anyway..." He said softly and lines appeared on his forehead. He glanced up at me, and I raised my eyebrows and waited for him to continue. "I'm actually bi...Not that I've told many people. Nobody seems interested, really..." he clarified. I frowned thoughtfully and nodded slowly.

"Well I certainly think it's interesting..." I murmured distantly before I could stop myself. I set a light tan shirt on the counter next to him. "Get yourself cleaned up okay? I'll be right outside if you need me..." I said, and paused with my hand on the doorknob, "But… don't take too long, huh?" I said with a sly smile, and winked at him. His eyes widened, and he nodded. I shut the door behind me with a quiet click, and slid to the floor beside it with a heavy sigh.

"Shit, what are you getting yourself into, man…?" I growled, rubbing my eyes and smoothing my hair back. On impulse, I decided not to put it back up for a while. I blatantly ignored the fact that it was only because Gaara had mentioned it... I sighed heavily and leaned my back against the wall, sparking up a cigarette and inhaling deeply, suddenly glad that Sakura didn't mind the smoke in her house. I usually tried not to smoke inside, but sometimes it was just unavoidable...

"you waitin' for the bathroom, or are you just loitering there?" someone asked suddenly, startling me out of my reverie. I cracked open an eye, and closed it when I saw it was just Kankuro.

"Gaara's in there right now. He spewed all over the place, so he's just getting cleaned up. It won't take too long…" I said slowly. He sighed, but stayed to wait. Suddenly there was a loud crash from inside the bathroom, and I jerked in surprise. I beat Kankuro to the door by mere seconds, and slammed it open to see Gaara standing in the middle of the shards of the broken mirror. Sand swirled around him in an angry, dangerous cloud and he stared at the wall where the mirror once stood without an expression on his face. He turned to look at me then, and for a second there I saw through that blank exterior. He looked like he wanted to cry but wasn't sure how…

"Oh, Gaara, not again…" came Kankuro's quiet voice from the doorway, sighing exasperatedly.

"Go get a broom, Kankuro," I said tersely, leaving no room for argument. He growled something under his breath, but left. I smashed the cigarette between my fingers and tossed it into the waste bin, and tentatively reached my hand out to Gaara, trying my best to ignore the stinging burn of his sand hitting my skin when I stepped closer.

"Please let me get you out of here…" I said, reaching to put my arm around him. His face was blank as he cocked his head at me as if he was about to ask me something, but didn't. Then he swept the glass into a pile in the corner with his Sand, and let me lead him out with a guiding hand on the small of his back. I passed Kankuro on the way to the door, and beckoned to him so I could speak with him over the music.

"Tell Sakura I said I'd take care of replacing it okay? I'm going to take him outside for a while… Don't let them lock us out, would you?" I said quietly as I could. He nodded, passing a worried look over Gaara. He sighed and went to the bathroom to clean up the shards.


	3. Chapter 3: Gaara

He led me outside to the street, and sat on the curb next to me. At first, he didn't ask me what was wrong, or why I'd done it like everybody else would have… He just sat there next to me, waiting for me to say something. Guess I figured he would wait forever, too... looked down at my hands blankly, wishing I knew where to start. I wished I could talk about it… because I got the feeling he would listen to me. I suddenly had to say something. I had to tell him… but how?

He sighed heavily, and lay back in the grass with his hands behind his head. He didn't stay anything for a long moment, only stared up at the night sky.

"Do you want to tell me about it…?" he asked after a while, not looking away from the stars. I furrowed my brow and sighed.

"I wish I knew how…" I admitted after a long pause. He sat up abruptly, and put his hand on my knee.

"Just start from the beginning… Tell me what happened. Please?" he smiled softly and then looked away, cleared his throat and took his hand away. I looked down at my hands too, and sighed.

"I'll try…" I whispered, and took a deep breath. I had to do this without thinking… I closed my eyes, and began to speak.

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0

I looked into the mirror, gazing at the cold-eyed stranger that was my reflection. There was no feeling in those strange, blue-ish teal eyes. No kindness, love, happiness or even hate… Nothing. I put my hand on my chest, feeling my heartbeat. It was faster than it should be, I knew. I felt strange, like a buzzing feeling in my head that won't go away... But those eyes were still empty…

I hated those eyes. They lied to me. What I saw in those eyes wasn't what I knew I should see… None of the feeling I had because you… well, I don't know what you did… But there was only darkness in those eyes. It scared me… that person I saw in the mirror… it wasn't me. I don't know who it was…. But I didn't know what to do. I thought about it hard, staring into those black-hole eyes that weren't really mine, and I hated them…

The darkness in those eyes isn't mine. I don't know why it's there… I resent it. It's so ugly, so foreign… it makes me hurt inside to look at. I really didn't mean to break her mirror… I swear I didn't … I didn't even realize it had happened… Next thing I knew, my hands were balled into fists, and the mirror was shattered on the floor… That's when you came in, I think… I wanted to cry so badly, because of that horrible painful nothingness in those eyes… /my/ eyes… That ugly black hate burned its way into me again, and I wanted to get rid of it. I wanted to let go of the painful feeling that I can still taste because of those ugly, blank eyes… I don't know how to make the eyes in the mirror match up to how I really feel… I don't even know how long I've been pretending like this. It just makes me want to cry so bad, but I don't even know how… I wouldn't know where to start…

0-o-0-o-0-o-0-o-0

I stared down at my hands and wished again that I knew how… I wondered if crying would help like I thought it would… I hoped it would. I didn't know where else to turn. Suddenly, I felt Shikamaru's hand on my shoulder. I looked up into his face, and he pulled me in for a hug. I stood stock-still tensely and let him hold me, not knowing how to react but not wanting to push him away.

"Just relax…" He murmured, moving his hand over my back in small circles, "you worry too much, Gaara… Nobody's going to get mad at you for just reaching for what you want," He said, and I could almost hear him smiling. I took a deep breath and let it go slowly, relaxing my body till I was limp in his arms. I curled my fingers into his hair and heaved a shuddering breath.

"I don't know how…." I choked out thickly, my throat and eyes burning. He squeezed me tighter and sighed.

"Close your eyes, Gaara… Relax and let go. I'm right here for you," He promised. I could feel his breath hot over my neck, and with my head pressed against his chest I could hear his heart beating faster. "Trust me…" he whispered, barely audible above the heavy silence that pressed in around us.

It might have been the liquor speaking, or the fact that I was curled up in his arms… but I did trust him. I closed my eyes and blocked out the world around me, everything but the heartbeat in my ears and the warmth I felt in his arms. Suddenly, tears were spilling down my face. I sobbed without abandon, curling my fingers tightly through his hair and pressing my face into his shirt. I felt like a huge weight was crushing the life out of me, or trying to, and I could barely breathe. My chest heaved as I gasped for air, sobbing into his chest painfully. All that time he just sat there holding me and letting me cry into his shirt, whispering to me that it would all be okay, that he would make sure of it… Eventually the tears stopped, and I sniffled.

"I got your shirt all wet…" I mumbled apologetically, looking up at him. He just smiled and shook his head.

"Guess I'll have to get another one…" he sighed, but didn't really look disappointed. "You feel better, don't you?" he asked gently. I nodded slowly, and smiled a small smile at him. He smiled widely back, and I shifted so I was more comfortable. I snuggled into the nape of his neck and closed my eyes again. He let me stay there for a moment, then laid back again on the grass. I shifted again, and after a while I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

"Thank you…" I whispered softly, just before I fell into sleep.


End file.
